Wow, it's been a long time since I've been on here and so much has happened! I've been incredibly blessed by God and have also hit my all time low during that time! But I'm back and ready to move forward. I'm in my last month and a half of the semester and then graduation! Crazy, I know! I do not know what God holds for my future but am so excited to see what will happen. The first half of the semester was insane with having to get surgery and have my gall bladder removed and then trying to get caught up. It seemed like I couldn't handle it all and I never fully wanted to hand it over to God. Part of me always wanted to have control of it!
I also met this really great guy online and we hit things off really quickly but I already was struggling in my relationship with God and did not want to make Christ the center of our relationship. So quickly our relationship spiraled out of control as well. Really nothing was going well for me. Finances were a crazy mess and while the Lord kept providing in amazing and miraculous ways I still had a lot of needs that I didn't know how they were gonna be met! By the time Spring Break came I was a mess even though I thought I was doing great! But really I was lying to myself all that time! I was making myself think everything would be okay. The first half of Spring Break I made some of the worst decisions I could have ever made in my life that I will have to live with and regret but have learned from. I feel like I've fallen so far from God and then one day God just convicted me and I wanted to get things right. So I was going to get things right and mend my broken relationship with God. And then it seemed my world crashed down beside me that night with the guy I met....and that's when I really started thinking and working on things. And that's where I'm sitting right now. I could not be happier with where God has brought me. Yes, I have seriously messed up in some areas. But I have also learned so much! I read a devotional today by Sharon Jaynes about Ruth and Naomi and Orpah. It was all about whether or not you will choose to look back at your past or move forward and look ahead.
"Ruth, a Moabite, told Naomi, “Your God will be my God!” God was enough. She didn’t care if there was no husband, no future, no provision. She was not turning her back on Naomi. She was not turning her back on the God of Abraham. She was moving forward and trusting God!
There was nothing for Orpah in Bethlehem but God. There was nothing for Ruth in Bethlehem…but God. How many of us look at the future as Orpah did? We look ahead and it looks bleak, so we give up, turn around and go backwards…tuck our tails and go home?
How many of us look at the future, as Ruth did? She saw only God, and continued moving forward? How many of us, like Ruth, believe that God is enough?"
I want to look forward to my God! I want to move forward! God, I don’t see anything positive in this situation. I don’t see any hope. But I do see You and that’s enough. I’m moving forward…to Bethlehem…to the city whose name means, “House of Bread!” God I don’t see what the future holds. I know others around me don’t see any future for me. I have Naomi's in my life who tell me to turn around and go home. But God, you are enough. You are more than enough. You are all I need. I’m moving forward. I’m moving toward You!”
Dear God, no matter what anyone tells me today to try and discourage me from following hard after You, I am pressing forward. I am believing in You. I am trusting in You. I am clinging to You. You are more than enough.
In Jesus’ Name,
Amen.
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