"Do These Jeans Make Me Look Fat?"

I have decided to do something I have never really done before; I am going to blog about a book ("Do These Jeans Make Me Look Fat?" by Jocelyn Hamsher) I am reading chapter by chapter. I know it's not going to be easy going through this and writing about it. I know I will end up writing all my deepest thoughts and thus making me feel vulnerable, but I am going to do it nonetheless. I am currently struggling with something in my life--actually that's even understating it because I am deeply and severely struggling with this issue--I can't seem to see myself how I know I should be. I look in the mirror and all I can see if FAT and UGLY. Two words that no one ever wants to hear yet that's all I can hear going through my head as I see my reflection in a mirror. And the thing is everyone tells me otherwise but I still can't seem to bring myself to believe it. So the idea came to mind that I should maybe start doing a devotional book on how God sees me. I guess I am hoping that reading it and reinforcing the truth that I am beautiful in God's eyes will help and truly sink into my heart and mind. I will be honest and can't see how I will be able to drop this mentality that I've had for over 8 years now. It almost seems like it's just part of me and who I am, but my great friend constantly reminds me that it is possible! God can take these thoughts out of my mind and help me to see myself how He sees me! So here we go.....

Chapter One, "Do These Jeans Make Me Look Fat?" was a good read. It started out with a verse in Romans.

"Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you." 

Romans 12:2 MSG

When I read a book I tend to underline what I think is really good and that's really what I focus on and take away from that reading. They did state that with today's society it is extremely common for someone (particularly girls) to think this way of themselves. 8 out of 10 women struggle with body dissatisfaction! I mean, seriously, how can we not with how the world is pushing that we should look?! Apparently I am supposed to be a size 0 waist with a huge chest....well let me tell you I am FAR from that! And I know I can never be that nor do I want to be that small but yeah, I'm one of those 8 that's not happy with how I look at all. I do want to be smaller and be able to look at myself for once and say I'm skinny. 

The first thing I took away from this chapter was where it said, "And so it is with our bodies. We are walking around looking in mirrors without seeing the entire, true, and beautiful picture". I had to think to myself...what is that then? What is the entire, true and beautiful picture? Right now every time I hear that I shouldn't think this way because God sees me as beautiful I just don't understand that. First of all, how can He really think that?! Look at me! But also, he created me so yeah He's going to think He did a good job. Then going along with that thought I begin to think, WOW I'm basically saying God didn't do a good job by thinking this way and I know that's wrong thinking but I just want to be able to see it! I want to know how He can possibly see me that way. 

Second little part I found in this chapter was that "we are attempting to be someone else and missing out on who God made us to be." I really do desire to be the woman God made me to be...seriously, I do! Then I look in a mirror and say really God? You had to make me look like this?! Can't I just be thinner but still be me? Once again a wrong way to think, but I can't help but think it! I guess it is a start to be recognizing where my wrong thinking lies. A very small step in something that will not fix itself over night--but a step nonetheless. Hey, I gotta try to think positively in this process so every little bit counts! 

The last quote that I underlined in this first chapter was this: "What if we made our bodies less about us and more about Jesus?" Oh man...now if that doesn't guilt me for how I think then I don't know what will! And yes, I do feel guilty about, but it's a struggle not to. When something doesn't fit right anymore or I see the little belly bulge or see someone that just looks perfect it frustrates me. But really that is being selfish, right? I guess I'm supposed to remember that God created me and my body belongs to Him really. So I should be glorifying Him in all I think and do with my body! Yes, I included the word think because God does see us as beautiful so we should do the same. I just pray for God to please allow me to see myself as He does! Please, God! I don't want this to be a constant struggle! I want my body to be more about You! Not about me and what I want!

One of the questions in the end of the chapter asked "How much of your perspective regarding your body has been about God?" and my answer even was a disappointment to myself! How can it not be disappointing to God then? I wrote 0% of my perspective has been about God in regard to my body! I have a focus on looking good so I have pushed aside what I know to be the truth. I have given total disregard to how I know God sees me. 

"For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart."

1 Samuel 16:7 ESV

Dear God, I cry out to you as I begin this journey in seeing myself as You see me! I want to feel beautiful! Give me the strength I will need, the encouragement I will need and the heart I will need to change this constant battle I have been struggling with for so long now. Only You can fix me. God, please take control of this area in my life! I am Yours....a daughter of the King! ~Amen